I’d like a big neon arrow on the ground saying “go this way you moron”. But there’s no arrow.

There’s no grand scheme while you’re in the thick of it. Everything looks blurry and vague, like a fog of war.

The value in not giving up only becomes apparent at the end. That’s why everone gives up. There’s uncertainty. Is this worth it? Am I even working on the right thing? Am I wasting years of my life?

This is a reminder to myself to keep going for longer than is reasonable. To keep going at the moment when I’m most likely to give up.

The dots will connect in hindsight.

Right now, I’m just trying shit. I’m writing and building. For the fun of it. Sure. But also because of a tiny voice in my head that says there’s more to life than working a 9 to 5. A tiny voice that says “hang on to your dreams for just a little bit longer”.

Society doesn’t give a shit. Society barks in my ear every day “it’s fine. you’re getting old. just relax on the couch, watch tv. Don’t worry. you have a good job. let it go.”

And yes, I do have a good life. I don’t have too many worries about money. I have a wife, friends and family. We’re going to start building a house soon. But I feel a slight tinge of “what if”. I want to build something greater than myself. I want to help people.

It’s easy to dismiss this. It’s comfortable and cozy in my 9 to 5. I feel accomplished. I can just play along with the charade.

No, what I’m doing here, that feels like failure. It feels like not being good enough. Not knowing what to do. Being a complete novice.

To be honest, it feels horrible. Putting your heart into a product or a blog post and seeing it get like 2 views. That’s fucked up. But that’s part of the deal. So I keep going.